two weeks ago, Scott and I found out that we were pregnant. and then found out that we were losing the baby. and then thought that maybe we weren’t. and then, in a blur of 48 hours, we did. we had our fourth miscarriage.
last night, we were sent an email advising us that our adoption agency is closing their doors and they will not complete our adoption. our place in “line”, gone. money, non-refundable. we, along with 25+ families, have to find another agency. and start from the very beginning. 90 children in the orphanage this agency worked with, ready for their homes, no longer have those homes.
we are sick to our stomachs. can feel the anger and sadness in our bones.
this does not feel like a beautiful story today.
even though we don’t know where to go from here, scott and i know enough to know that this isn’t the end. for us. for those kids. for our kids. for everyone.
so, we acknowledge that today sucks. like, really really sucks. and there is nothing that anyone can say at the moment that will make this situation better. so, please, don’t feel like you have to.
and we are going to stay in that for a bit.
which we are both ok with.
but, as we try to navigate through this with some form of certainty or direction, we know.
that God is good. our story is not over. hope is resilient.
and so are we.
and to our little one in ethiopia. this changes NOTHING in our hearts. you are OUR child. you are coming home. if it takes us ten more years, you are coming home.