Besides the fact that adoption is the longest pregnancy ever….it is also nothing like a pregnancy.
I have felt this love for my child for longer than 9 months. I have felt this connection with them that has been with me for 2.5 years. In some ways, I am thankful that this has lasted longer than a pregnancy because the bond I feel is so strong. And the bond is the scariest part of adopting…especially when you don’t feel it yet.
But, when it comes to the actual things you do during a normal pregnancy…the preparation, the name picking, the room decorating, the baby class taking, the doctor appts, etc… an adoption (or at least the kind we are doing) has no comparison to pregnancy.
And this is where it gets super duper
I mean, really, we ARE in the “pregnant” stage. We know it will happen this year. So, we want to start preparing our home. Right?
But, for what?? A baby? A toddler? A boy? A girl? We won’t know until weeks before we meet them. WEEKS. Do we need to stock up on formula or stock up on puree’d baby food or stock up on cheerios? Should I have size 1,2,3,4 or 5 diapers? Should we pick out names? But, they will have one already….what if it is awful and we want to change it? Do we need an extra car seat or will they be small enough to fit in Emara’s old one? What about a crib? Should we start looking on Craigslist for another one? I mean, if we get the phone call in the next 6 months, there is no way Emara will be in a toddler bed. But, if it isn’t until Thanksgiving, we could transition her out and use the crib for our next baby. But, what if our baby is actually a toddler and already in a bed. Then, should we start looking on Craigslist for another toddler bed?
Too. Many. Unknowns. Brain. Waves. Slowly. Fading. Hand. Reaching. For. KitKat. Bars.
There is no due date, no book to read that follows your weekly journey. There are no food or drink restrictions….You don’t have to limit your exercise or count baby kicks. I could literally go about my day with no reminder that we have a child on the way.
When I was pregnant with Emara, our house was filled with baby gadgets and baby books and medicine and heartbeat monitors and gift bags filled with pink and purple onesies…there was no way to avoid the fact that this house was prepping for a baby.
But, for this baby? Well..all I have in my house right now is a globe with a red heart colored over Ethiopia. A cute clock with Africa mod-podged onto it. I wear a locket with Ethiopia on it.
It is a CRAZY feeling to want to prepare. But have no clue what you need. I am so anxious to meet this little one. But, my fidgety hands can do no work. Because, I have no work to do.
So, I play with Emara. I paint the basement stairs. I make silly bracelets. And I mod-podge everything in sight.
And, I try to remind myself that this is real. This is actually happening. And when we do get our referral and FINALLY meet our child….
It will just have to be turbo time for the Zibell family.
As in, “business Steph” is going to make an appearance and GET. STUFF. DONE.
Like, you will have to rescue my husband from the grips of “business Steph”.
Because. well. she means business. turbo business.
And, it gets scary.
But, it gets done.