I have been overwhelmed with a thought lately. A connection between all of my kids.
Each one of my children has taught me something new about God. I use the word ‘taught’ lightly. I grew up going to Sunday school. I was taught a lot about Him throughout my entire life.This is nothing new when understood in those terms.
But, there is something that happens when you believe something to be true and you KNOW something to be true. I believed in ‘true love’. And then I met Scott. And I know what ‘true love’ is. I believed in God and all of the facets that come with Him. But, because of my babies, I KNOW Him.
With our first, I learned His compassion. And gained a deep understanding for what others go through. He opened up my heart to feel so much more than I had before.
With our second, I learned that He can handle my anger. And He can handle my rage. And He can handle me pointing a finger at Him and using every angry word I knew to hurl at Him. He became a true Father to me. His love proved unconditional. And I lost all fear in questioning Him.
With our third, I learned that He is good. I wish there was a better word in my vocabulary to describe this one. But, I can’t. The story He is writing for my life is far more beautiful than the one I spent my childhood dreaming up. My entire heart changed. My entire view on life changed with Will. Even though it was a devastating time, those three years of gaining and losing, I saw more clearly the goodness of God than I ever have. Ever.
With our baby from Ethiopia, I am discovering what it means to be obedient. I have learned that when He says something, He means it. I would have given up on this adoption long ago. It is a ride that, if I were totally honest, has been more difficult than I prepared for. The coward in me has wanted to stop more than once. But. He created me with this child in mind. And when He put that desire in my heart as a child to adopt, He meant it.
And with Emara. I am learning all about wonder. Watching her realize that her fingers can move without her trying. That her legs can hold her up. That her mouth can chew. That her voice can screech and her tongue can stick out. Wonder. Yesterday, we spent an hour just sitting at the window watching the snow fall down in large heaps. I watched her notice, obverse and sit captivated in total silence. A new visual. A new scenario. She was in total wonder of the snow fall.
I hope you know that they are and were so much more than that. But, for what it is worth to them, they have made me so much better. They have each taught me something that will forever be engrained in my heart. And even though, for some, they were with me for such a short time, their lives mean something. Mean a lot.
I am so proud to be their mom. All of them. And I am so thankful for my God. The one who is taking care of three of them up there and giving me the incredible joy and responsibility of taking care of two of them down here.